Losses and Wins
I had a quiet drive to Mankato this morning. No one to visit with, no radio. Quiet thoughts abound.
So much on the media about the sporting events that take place to no end. I’m am not into the sports. What I hear often is the rhetoric as losses and wins that are kept track of.
My losses have been more than I like. Son, Scott Howard, would have been 46 this December. Our third child may have made the huge difference as to how our family would have moved forward as a family. My dad, Raymond, was a dynamo. Married at 
sixteen and a father at seventeen, he was strict and had much to offer his family through the decades. Not many 
people realized what a tender heart he had. Leaving us at the age of 72 was far too young. Up until the time that mom, Lena, who passed away at the age of 93, was the heart of the family. Hard working and never too weary to be there when needed. Mom’s heart was not as tender as Dad’s, but it was filled with love and pride for the family. Mom was able to show both sides of issues.
Carrie and Kevin’s dad, Orlin, passed away in 2007. How Carrie and Kevin would have, could have benefited from their dad’s council as they established themselves with families and responsibilities. Orlin had the penchant for all things that hands could create or fix or talk his way through. Orlin was a “black or white” individual. At times that made things just as difficult for himself as well as those around him.
My sister, Elvera, passed away at the age of 78 in 2016 with plans and dreams for herself and family. Complication from cancer cares not for plans and dreams.
My brother, Michael, passed away in 2018 at the age of 69 from complications caused by cancer. Michael fought the illness with the heart of a Lion, but outwardly put others in the forefront of his days. He was my brave warrior as I felt he took Dad’s place as the head of the family.
The losses of these family members have affected many. That is most certainly true. All these losses were life altering to ME and each has left their mark on Me as I am now 75 years old. When I am done mourning them in . . . often days, the losses have more than sadness. I have taken what each of them have contributed to my life, much like the sweet breeze of a gentle wind. It brings to me a win of all that I have gained from having had them in my life. The words that spring to mind when I least expect it. The hugs that I can still feel. The kindness of each of them when I may not have deserved it, but I took it gratefully. The events that now feel hollow without them. I am humbled that I can try to be what they all believed I could be. I have huge shoes to fill on so many levels. It gives me a reason to get up each day and do what there is to face.
When losses and wins are touted, I feel both equally.